The First Step Toward Resolving Conflict

 In Matthew 7:3, 5 I read, “Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? . . . You hypocrite! First, take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your friend’s eye.” (NCV)

One of the most important life skills I can learn is conflict resolution. If I don’t learn it, I’ll spend much of my life miserable—because we’re imperfect people and we have conflict almost every day of our lives.

To resolve conflict, I’m going to have to make the first move. And to do that, I’m going to have to ask for God’s help.

It takes courage to approach someone I’m in conflict with and tell them I want to sit down and work it out. Once I’ve taken that step, I don’t start with what the other person has done wrong; I don’t make accusations or list ways I’ve been hurt. I start with what I’ve done wrong.

I can always find something to confess. Even if the conflict is 99.99 percent the other person’s fault, I can admit my part. Maybe it was my poor response or my attitude. Maybe it was the way I walked away.

I have weaknesses in my life that others see clearly but I’ve never seen. Those are my blind spots. That’s why I need to come to conflict resolution with a humble heart and begin with my own faults.

Jesus said, “Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? . . . You hypocrite! First, take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your friend’s eye” (Matthew 7:3, 5 NCV).

So what’s the piece of wood in my eye that is keeping me from seeing the situation clearly? Don’t start with all the ways the other person has hurt me until I’ve confessed I’m part of the conflict first.

Did I cause conflict by being insensitive? Or was I overly sensitive? Did I not show compassion for the person who was hurting? Was I being overly demanding? What are my blind spots? 

Once you figure them out and confess them, then I’ll be ready for the next step in conflict resolution