To Love, I Have to Listen

In Romans 15:2 I read, “We must bear the ‘burden’ of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others.” (TLB)

Listening is probably the most important skill in building friendships and relationships. I can’t love people without listening to them.

But sometimes people run into trouble in their relationships when they think hearing and listening are the same thing. The truth is that there’s a big difference between hearing someone and listening to them.

I can hear something and not really be listening. I am hearing the words but not really listening to the emotions. Sometimes the words don’t even matter. Someone can say to me, “I’m fine,” but the way they say it tells me that they’re not. Listening means I also hear what the person isn’t saying.

When I listen that way, I’m showing empathy. Empathy means to put myself in the other person’s shoes and learn their point of view. I ask myself, “How would I feel if I were in that situation?”

Listening with empathy means I listen without interruption and I listen for what’s not being said—the feelings and fears behind the words. And I don’t need to try to fix the situation; sometimes healing comes just from someone listening!

Romans 15:2 says, “We must bear the ‘burden’ of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others” (TLB).

What does it mean to be considerate or to bear the burden of someone else’s doubts? It means that—when people are in so much pain that they don’t even know what they believe—they need the devotion of a loyal friend. They need someone who will be present and listen with empathy. Will I be that friend today?

In summary, listening is probably the most important skill in building friendships and relationships. I can’t love people without listening to them. Often we think hearing and listening are the same thing, however there’s a big difference between hearing someone and listening to them. I can hear something and not really be listening. I am hearing the words but not really listening to the emotions. Sometimes the words don’t even matter. Someone can say to me, “I’m fine,” but the way they say it tells me that they’re not. Listening means I also hear what the person isn’t saying. When I listen that way, I’m showing empathy, which puts me in the other person’s shoes and to learn their point of view. Listening with empathy means I listen without interruption and I listen for what’s not being said—the feelings and fears behind the words. I don’t need to try to fix the situation; sometimes healing comes just from someone listening! To be considerate or to bear the burden of someone else’s doubts? It means that—when people are in so much pain that they don’t even know what they believe—they need the devotion of a loyal friend. They need someone who will be present and listen with empathy. 

I need to look after the good of the people around me, asking myself, “How can I help?” I need to be considerate and help others do what is right. Listening is probably the most important skill in building friendships and relationships. I can love others without listening to them. There's a big difference between hearing and listening. Listening means I also hear what the person isn't saying. This is empathy and it's where I put myself in the other person's shoes and learn their point of view. I need to listen without interruption and listen for fears and feelings. Often healing comes by listening. Others need the devotion of a loyal friend, someone who will be present and listen with empathy.