What Forgiveness Really Is

In Luke 23:34 I read, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (NIV)

Forgiveness may be the most misused, misapplied, and misunderstood quality in our culture. I may think I know what forgiveness is all about, but, if I’m like most, I really don’t.

Here’s a quick quiz to help me gauge my understanding of forgiveness; decide if each statement is true or false.

1. A person should not be forgiven until they ask for it.

2. Forgiving includes minimizing the offense and the pain caused.

3. Forgiveness includes restoring trust and reuniting a relationship.

4. You haven’t really forgiven until you’ve forgotten the offense.

5. When you see somebody hurt, it is my duty to forgive the offender.

When I read the Bible and learn what God has to say about forgiveness, I discover that all five of those statements above are false.

Since I may not really understand forgiveness, I’ll be spending the next few days looking at what forgiveness really is.

To start with, first, real forgiveness is unconditional. There are no requirements attached to it. I don’t earn it. I don’t deserve it. I don’t bargain for it. Forgiveness is not based on a promise to never do it again. I offer forgiveness to somebody whether they ask for it or not.

When Jesus stretched out his hands on the cross and said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing,” nobody had asked for it (Luke 23:34 NIV). Nobody had said, “Jesus, please forgive me for what we’re doing to you.” He just offered it. He took the initiative.

Second, forgiveness isn’t minimizing the seriousness of the offense. When somebody asks for my forgiveness and I say, “It’s no big deal. It really didn’t hurt,” that actually cheapens forgiveness. If the offense wasn’t a big deal, then I wouldn’t need to ask for or offer forgiveness.

Forgiveness is for the big stuff. I don’t use it for slights that are just minor issues; life’s small slights just require patience and acceptance. It’s life’s big wrongs that require forgiveness—and those wrongs shouldn’t be minimized. If an offense was a big deal, admit that it was. And then forgive, or ask for forgiveness.

Understanding forgiveness is the first step to living it out. So the next time I’ve offended someone, or have been offended myself, remember these two things: First, forgiveness is unconditional. And, second, forgiveness never minimizes the wrong.

In summary, forgiveness may be the most misused, misapplied, and misunderstood quality in our culture. I may think I know what forgiveness is, but, if I’m like most, I really don’t. Here’s a quick quiz to help me gauge my understanding:

1. A person should not be forgiven until they ask for it.

2. Forgiving includes minimizing the offense and the pain caused.

3. Forgiveness includes restoring trust and reuniting a relationship.

4. You haven’t really forgiven until you’ve forgotten the offense.

5. When you see somebody hurt, it is my duty to forgive the offender.

When I read the Bible and learn what God has to say about forgiveness, I discover that all five of those statements above are false. To start with, first, real forgiveness is unconditional. There are no requirements attached to it. I don’t earn, deserve, or bargain for it. Forgiveness is not based on a promise to never do it again. I offer forgiveness to somebody whether they ask for it or not. When Jesus stretched out his hands on the cross and said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing,” nobody had asked for it. Nobody had said, “Jesus, please forgive me for what we’re doing to you.” He just offered it. He took the initiative. Second, forgiveness isn’t minimizing the seriousness of the offense. When somebody asks for my forgiveness and I say, “It’s no big deal or It really didn’t hurt,” that actually cheapens forgiveness. If the offense wasn’t a big deal, then I wouldn’t need to ask for or offer forgiveness. Forgiveness is for the big stuff. I don’t use it for slights that are just minor issues; life’s small slights just require patience and acceptance. It’s life’s big wrongs that require forgiveness—and those wrongs shouldn’t be minimized. Understanding forgiveness is the first step to living it out. The next time I’ve offended someone, or have been offended myself, remember first, forgiveness is unconditional. And, second, forgiveness never minimizes the wrong.

Jesus asked God to forgive the people who were putting him to death, Jewish leaders, Roman politicians and soldiers, bystanders, and God answered that prayer by opening up the way of salvation even to Jesus' murderers. Jesus was suffering the most horrible, painful death ever devised by a sinful man, and he looked at the people responsible for his suffering and prayed for their forgiveness. The Roman officer and soldiers who witnessed the Crucifixion said, "This many truly was the Son of God!" Soon many priests were converted to the Christian faith. Because I am a sinner, I too played a part in putting Jesus to death. The Good News is that God is gracious. He will forgive us and give us new life through his Son.