Choosing Gentleness, Not Defensiveness

In Proverbs 15:1 I read, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (NIV)

We have a tendency to mimic the emotions of people across from us. The reason we do this is because of mirror neurons in our brains. They allow us to sympathize and also to mirror what other people feel.

For instance, if someone gets angry with me, I get angry back. If somebody is really sad and I hang around that person long enough, I’ll start to get sad.

In the same way, when others raise their voice against me, I’ll usually raise my voice back. Then they raise their voice higher. And I raise my voice higher. Then pretty soon it escalated, and my emotions were out of control.

But the Bible says I actually can choose how I respond: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1 NIV).

Here’s a little tip that can save me a lot of heartache and conflict: When others raise their voices, lower yours. When I do this in my marriage, in my parenting, in my friendships, and at work. That’s called strength under control.

Gentleness defuses conflict. It deescalates anger.

If your boss tears into me or someone I know raises his or her voice in anger, realize it may not have anything to do with me. Instead of getting defensive, practice gentleness. Let your gentle answer disarm the other person and defuse the situation.

In summary, a gentle answer on my part will turn away wrath, but a harsh word will only stir up anger. There is a tendency to mimic the emotions of people across from us. This is from mirror neurons in our brains. They allow us to sympathize and also to mirror what other people feel. So, if someone gets angry with me, I likely get angry back. When someone raises their voice against me, I’ll usually raise my voice back. Then they raise their voice higher. And I raise mine even higher. Soon it escalated, and my emotions were out of control. However, I actually can choose how I respond. When others raise their voices, I should lower mine. When I do this in my relationships its called strength under control. Gentleness will always defuse conflict and deescalates anger. If your boss tears into me or someone I know raises his or her voice in anger, realize it may not have anything to do with me. Instead of getting defensive, learn to practice gentleness. Let my gentle answer disarm the other person and defuse the situation.

Father, thank you for Your Word and Jesus as my savior and example. You want me and I need you in my life. Please give me Your strength for today and remind me in little ways that I can always believe in, have faith in and can trust you in everything. This includes being the authority for my life, the source of my self-worth and my hope for the future. You have my best interests in mind. So I ask you to help me to embrace the way you’ve made me; my gifting and passions. Help me to serve and fulfill the mission you have in mind for me. 

Father, you are teaching me that It is hard to argue with someone who insists on answering softly or gently. A rising voice and harsh words will almost always trigger an angry response. To turn away wrath and seek peace, you are instructing me to choose quiet and gentle words.

Today, I ask you for wisdom and guidance for my day, my work, my leadership, my interactions with others, and doing well and making a difference in my new job.  I pray all these things through you Son Jesus’ name, Amen.