The Adjustments That Make Marriage Work

In 1 John 3:18 I read, “Our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action.” (GNT)

Every marriage, and really, every relationship, offers many opportunities for adjustments. Life together will change. Children / grandchildren will grow up. I’ll change jobs. we’ll move. I’ll get sick. Life will force me to make adjustments.

And to make these adjustments successfully, I’ll need to become unselfish. In fact, learning to be unselfish may be the greatest lesson God wants to teach me through my marriage.

Unselfishness is at the core of what the Bible teaches in 1 John 3:18: “Our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action” (GNT).

Here are three ways to make unselfish, loving adjustments:

1. Think about what my wife needs. The Bible says, “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too” (Philippians 2:4 NLT). Unfortunately, often the longer I’m married, the less I think about my spouse’s needs. The Bible urges me to look out for everyone’s needs, but especially the needs of those in my own home.

2. Submit to each other. The Bible calls spouses to submit to each other, to give up what I really want in order to meet my wife’s needs. Ephesians 5:21 says, “Honor Christ by submitting to each other” (TLB). Never think my spouse should do all of the adjusting in marriage. As the leader of our home, I, the husband, is called to lead the way in sacrificing and in making adjustments, just as Jesus did. Paul writes, “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her” (Ephesians 5:25 NLT).

3. Make adjustments in the little things. Maybe it means arriving a little bit later or leaving a little bit earlier. Maybe it means going to bed at a different time. Maybe it means going to the restaurant or watching the movie my wife prefers. Maybe it means listening when my wife needs me to listen and not just when I feel like it. Real love is expressed through those small, daily decisions to adjust and meet each other’s needs.

The test of real love isn’t in what I say. It’s in how I act.

When my love is mature, I’ll treat my mate like Jesus would. 1 John 3:16 says, “This is how we know what love is: Christ gave his life for us” (GNT).

So I need to make the adjustments to love my spouse like Christ does. That decision will change everything.

In summary, my love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action. Marriage and every relationship, offers opportunities for adjustments. Life together will change and will force us to make adjustments. To make these adjustments successfully, I’ll need to become unselfish. Learning to be unselfish may be the greatest lesson God wants to teach me through my marriage. Unselfishness is at the core of what the Bible teaches. Three ways to make unselfish, loving adjustments are: First, to think about what my wife needs. The Bible urges me to look out for everyone’s needs, but especially the needs of those in my own home. Second, to submit to each other. The Bible calls spouses to submit to each other, to give up what I really want in order to meet my wife’s needs. As the leader of our home, I’m called to lead the way in sacrificing and in making adjustments, just as Jesus did. Lastly, to make adjustments in the little things. Real love is expressed through those small, daily decisions to adjust and meet each other’s needs. The test of real love isn’t in what I say. It’s in how I act. When my love is mature, I’ll treat my mate like Jesus would. So I need to make the adjustments to love my spouse like Christ does.

Real love is an action, not a feeling. The greatest act of love is the giving of myself for others. I do this by serving with no thought of receiving anything in return. I need to put others' desires first. How clearly do my actions say I am really loving others?  Am I generous as I should be with my money, possessions and time?

Father, thank you for wanting me. I need you in my life. Please give me Your strength for today and remind me in little ways that I can always believe in, have faith in and can trust you in everything. This includes being the authority for my life, the source of my self-worth and my hope for the future. You have my best interests in mind. So I ask you to help me to embrace the way you’ve made me; my gifting and passions. Help me to serve and fulfill the mission you have in mind for me. Father, as I go about my day, help remind me that real love is an action and a sacrifice to serve others interests above my own, reflected in how I act.

I ask for wisdom and guidance for my day, my work, my leadership, my interactions with others, doing well and making a difference in my new job.  I pray these things through you Son Jesus’ name, Amen.