Paying Attention Fans the Flame of Romance

In James 1:19 I read, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (NIV)

Good marriages don’t just happen. Marriage is what I make it. If I put in the effort, I can learn the skills and wisdom to build a great relationship, regardless of what my marriage has been like up until now.

There are some practical ways that myself and my spouse can grow closer together and closer to God. Many of these principles can also be applied to any close relationship, at any stage of my life.

One skill that anyone can learn to help make their relationships better, whether in marriage or in friendship, is how to pay attention.

When I give someone my attention and focus, it’s like I give them a piece of my life.

My time is my life because I’ll never get it back. That’s why the most loving act I can show my spouse is to pay attention to them. Those focused moments of intimate sharing are one of the most important ways I say, “I love you.”

The truth is, I fell in love by paying attention. I started paying attention to someone, and that person started paying attention to me. I spent my free time together.

But gradually my attention shifted. Today I may be more focused on paying the bills, taking care of kids, pursuing hobbies, or building a career. My spouse isn’t the center of my attention anymore. A shift of focus happens naturally, but if I don’t bring my attention back, my marriage will eventually crumble.

One of the ways I let my attention fade in marriage is when I stop listening. Pride makes me assume I know what my spouse has said, because I think I’ve heard them say it over and over again through the years.

If I’ve stopped listening, start listening again today. Why? First, I love her. And when I give my attention by listening, I’m showing love. Next, sometimes God speaks through my spouse. In fact, next to the Bible, it’s God’s favorite way to speak to me.

God gives a great recipe in his Word for the kind of focused attention through listening that makes a marriage grow. James 1:19 says, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (NIV). When I do the first two parts of that verse, the third one will be automatic. As I do this, I’ll keep my marriage growing and going.

To fan the flames of romance in marriage, start bringing back some of that focused attention. Show I care by staying aware. As I pay attention, I’ll find myself growing closer even as we go about life.

In summary, be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. A good marriage doesn't just happen. If I put in the effort, I can learn the skills and wisdom to build a great relationship, regardless of what it’s been like up until now. One skill to help make their relationships better, is how to pay attention. When I give someone my attention and focus, it’s like I give them a piece of my life. My time is my life because I’ll never get it back. So the most loving act I can show is to pay attention to them. Those focused moments of intimate sharing are one of the most important ways I say, “I love you.” The truth is, I fell in love with my spouse by paying attention. But gradually my attention shifted and my spouse isn’t the center of my attention anymore. One of the ways I let my attention fade in marriage, is when I stop listening. Pride makes me assume I know what my spouse has said. So If I’ve stopped listening, start listening again. When I give my attention by listening, I’m showing love. God gives a great recipe in his Word for the kind of focused attention through listening. “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”, When I do the first two parts, the third one will be automatic. To fan the flames of romance in marriage, start bringing back some of that focused attention. Show I care by staying aware. As I pay attention, I’ll find myself growing closer even as we go about life.

When I talk too much and listen too little, I communicate to others that I think my ideas are much more important than theirs. James wisely advises to reverse this process. Place a mental stopwatch on my conversations, and keep track of how much I take and how much I listen. When people talk with me, do they feel that their viewpoints and ideas have value?

Father, thank you for wanting me. I need you in my life. Please give me Your strength for today and remind me in little ways that I can always believe in, have faith in and can trust you in everything. This includes being the authority for my life, the source of my self-worth and my hope for the future. You have my best interests in mind. So I ask you to help me to embrace the way you’ve made me; my gifting and passions. Help me to serve and fulfill the mission you have in mind for me. Father, as I go about my day, help me to focus on paying attention and giving my time. I ask for wisdom and guidance for my day, my work, my leadership, my interactions with others, doing well and making a difference in my new job.  I pray these things through you Son Jesus’ name, Amen.