How to Be Wise in Relationships

In Proverbs 20:3 I read, “Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them.” (GNT)

Wise people are peacemakers, not troublemakers. Wise people don’t carry a chip on their shoulder. They’re not always looking for a fight. And they don’t intentionally antagonize others. 

If I’m around someone for any length of time, I’ll usually figure out what irritates that person. Then I may file that information in the back of my mind as a tool to use when I get in an argument. When that person says something that hurts, offends, or slights me in any way, I pull out that information and use it against them. I end up pushing their hot button. And it works every time!

The Bible calls this kind of behavior stupid! It doesn’t get me any closer to resolution or helping my relationship. In fact, it hurts it. It’s not wise.

Proverbs 20:3 says, “Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them” (GNT).

Everyone uses counterproductive strategies in relationships. They’re hurtful, they’re harmful, and they don’t get me what I want. But when I lack wisdom, I use them anyway.

Here are just a few of these counterproductive strategies:

1. Comparing. Never compare others, because each person is unique. Comparing antagonizes anger.

2. Condemning. When I start laying on the guilt in a relationship, I get the opposite of what I expect. It doesn’t work, and it’s foolish.

3. Contradicting. William James, the famous psychologist, said, “Wisdom is the art of knowing what to overlook.” Some things just aren’t worth my attention; I simply need to overlook them.

The Bible says in Proverbs 14:29, “A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes” (TLB). Have you ever said or done anything out of anger? We all have! When I get angry, my intelligence goes out the window. I say and do foolish things that are self-defeating.

Consider that there is only one letter difference between “anger” and “danger”? When I get angry, I’m in dangerous territory. I'm about to hurt others, and myself, with my own anger.

The good news is that I don’t have to let my anger get the best of me. I can choose to be a peacemaker, not a troublemaker. I should follow the wise advice of Proverbs: Control my temper and stay out of arguments. Myself, and the people I’m in a relationship with, will be glad I did.

In summary, any fool can start an argument; the honorable thing is to stay out of them. Wise people are peacemakers, not troublemakers. Wise people don’t carry a chip on their shoulder. They’re not always looking for a fight. And they don’t intentionally antagonize others.  If I’m around someone for any length of time, I’ll usually figure out what irritates that person and file that information in the back of my mind as a tool and pull out to use it against them. The Bible calls this kind of behavior stupid! It doesn’t get me any closer to resolution or helping my relationship. In fact, it hurts it. Here are some counterproductive strategies: 1. Comparing. Never compare. Each person is unique. Comparing only antagonizes anger. 2. Condemning. When I start laying on the guilt, I get the opposite of what I expect. It doesn’t work. 3. Contradicting. “Wisdom is the art of knowing what to overlook.” Some things just aren’t worth my attention; I simply need to overlook them. When I get angry, my intelligence goes out the window. I say and do foolish things that are self-defeating. When I get angry, I’m in dangerous territory. I'm about to hurt others, and myself, with my own anger. I don’t have to let my anger get the best of me. I can choose to be a peacemaker, not a troublemaker. Control my temper and stay out of arguments. 

Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only a fool would insist on quarreling. A person who is truly confident of his or her strength does not need to parade it. A truly brave person doesn't look for chances to prove it. A resourceful woman can find a way out of a fight. A man of endurance will avoid retaliating. Foolish people find it impossible to avoid strife. Men and women of character can. What kind of person will I be?

Father, I need you. Please give me Your strength for today and remind me in little ways that I can believe in, have faith and can trust you in everything, including being the authority for my life, my self-worth and my future. You have my best interests in mind. Help me to embrace the way you’ve made me; my gifting and passions. I want to serve and fulfill the mission you have in mind for me. With the help of your Spirit in me, I ask that he remind me when I start to get angry or am ready to quarrel or put up a fight. I ask you for wisdom and guidance in this for my day, my work, my leadership, my interactions with others, my preparation for a future job role and for leading a small group. I ask and pray these things through you Son Jesus’ name, Amen.