Fix the Problem, Not the Blame

In Colossians 3:8 I read, “Now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.” (NIV)

I only have a certain amount of emotional energy. When I’m trying to resolve conflict, I can use that energy either to fix the blame or to fix the problem. I don’t have enough energy to do both. So consider what’s more important, to blame the other person or to resolve the conflict.

Choose to fix the problem, not the blame.

When it comes to solving problems, I should decide ahead of time that I’m going to fight fair. Within marriage or family, set ground rules for words I’ll never use, words that serve as weapons of mass destruction.

During the Cold War, when Russia and the United States were at each other’s throats, the United States had thousands of intercontinental missiles, weapons of mass destruction, aimed at Russia. We could destroy the entire nation. Russia had thousands of intercontinental missiles aimed at us too.

But even at the worst, most tension-filled point in the Cold War, both sides still had enough sanity not to use those weapons. It’s been called the MAD strategy; if either side decided to use the weapons, the result would be “mutually assured destruction.” In effect, the countries were saying, “If you use yours, we’re going to use ours. We’ll destroy each other, and there won’t be any countries left.” So even when we were on opposite sides of an issue, we could at least agree not to use those weapons.

Relationships often have weapons of mass destruction too. When I use those weapons, I fix blame, but I never fix problems. I need to decide, no matter how upset I am, those words are off limits. Those are words of mutually assured destruction, they destroy a relationship by tearing down trust.

The Bible is very specific about what’s out of bounds in a relationship. Colossians 3:8 says, “Now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips” (NIV).

Those are weapons of mass destruction. They’re used to fix blame. And when I fix blame, I’m judging, and only God has the right to judge.

Instead, set aside destructive weapons and use my energy for what matters. Fix the problem.

In summary, I must rid myself of: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language. I only have a certain amount of emotional energy. When I’m trying to resolve conflict, I can use that energy either to fix the blame or to fix the problem. I don’t have enough energy to do both. So consider what’s more important, to blame or to resolve the conflict. Scripture encourages me to choose to fix the problem, not the blame. So I need to decide ahead of time that I’m going to fight fair. I need to set ground rules for words I’ll never use, words that serve as weapons of mass destruction. When I use those weapons, I fix blame, but I never fix problems. I need to decide, no matter how upset I am, those words are off limits. Those are words of mutually assured destruction, they destroy a relationship by tearing down trust. The Bible is very specific about what’s out of bounds in a relationship; its anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language.  They’re used to fix blame. And when I fix blame, I’m judging, and only God has the right to judge. Instead, use my energy for what matters. So focus on fixing the problem.

I must rid myself of all evil practices and immorality. Then I can commit myself to what Christ teaches. Paul appeals to me to the commitment I had made and urges me to remain true to my confession of faith. I am to rid myself of the old life and "put on" the new nature given by Christ and guided by the Holy Spirit. 

Father, I need you. Please give me Your strength for today and remind me in little ways that I can believe in, have faith and can trust you in everything, including being the authority for my life, my self-worth and my future. You have my best interests in mind. Help me to embrace the way you’ve made me; my gifting and passions. I want to serve and fulfill the mission you have in mind for me. Father, I ask for your help learning to fix the problem and not blame. I also ask you for wisdom and guidance in this for my day, my work, my leadership, my interactions with others, my preparation for a future job role and for leading a small group. I ask and pray these things through you Son Jesus’ name, Amen.