A Wise Person Will Avoid Arguments

In James 3:17 I read, “Real wisdom, God’s wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others.” (The Message)

Do I get offended easily? Am I always looking for a fight? Does my defense mechanism kick in during every other conversation?

The Bible says that, if I am wise, I won’t antagonize someone’s anger: “Real wisdom, God’s wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others” (James 3:17 The Message).

Wise people work at maintaining peace and harmony. They’re not carrying a chip on their shoulders. They don’t take offense easily, and they don’t say and do things that they know will stir other people’s anger.

“Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them” (Proverbs 20:3 GNT).

Being wise in my relationships means avoiding arguments. There is a long list of things that cause arguments. Here are three specific things I can avoid as I try to honor people and build more peaceful and loving relationships.

First, don’t compare. Comparing causes arguments because it shows that I’m not satisfied and content with what I have and who God has made me to be. When I’m content with my life, it will show in healthy relationships.

Second, don’t condemn. It’s no surprise that using condemning statements like, “It’s all your fault” or “You should be ashamed of yourself” leads to arguments. Or maybe it comes out in phrases like, “You ought to,” “You shouldn’t,” “You always,” and “You never.” Using phrases like these and condemning people puts me above them. That is not the way of Jesus.

Thirdly, don’t contradict. When I’m in the middle of an argument, don’t sweat the small stuff. If somebody gets a detail wrong, just let it go. William James, a famous psychologist, said, “Wisdom is the art of knowing what to overlook.” If I can learn to let things go, then I’ll notice how much more peaceful relationships are.

Comparison, condemnation, and contradiction always lead to arguments. But when I choose instead to show grace, God can transform my relationships.

In summary, real wisdom, God’s, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. Do I get offended easily? Does my defense mechanism kick in during conversations? If I am wise, I won’t antagonize someone’s anger: Wise people work at maintaining peace and harmony. They don’t carry a chip on their shoulders. They don’t take offense easily, and they don’t say and do things that they know will stir other people’s anger. Being wise in relationships means avoiding arguments. Here are three specific things I can avoid as I try to honor people and build more peaceful and loving relationships. First, don’t compare. Comparing causes arguments. It shows that I’m not satisfied and content with what I have and who God made me to be. Second, don’t condemn. Using condemning statements leads to arguments. Condemning others puts me above them. That is not the way of Jesus. Thirdly, don’t contradict. When I’m in the middle of an argument, don’t sweat the small stuff. If somebody gets a detail wrong, just let it go. If I can learn to let things go, then I’ll notice how much more peaceful relationships are. Comparison, condemnation, and contradiction always lead to arguments. But when I choose to show grace, God can transform my relationships.

In retrospect, comparison and contradiction, if only in my mind seem to be two that I struggle with the most. It seems I’m not content with who I am and I want to correct every detail. I suspect this is because I want to be viewed highly and always right. I need to reflect on and follow the example of Jesus. I ask Father that with help from the Holy Spirit that I can be reminded of these things. Father, I also ask you for wisdom and guidance for my day, my work, my leadership and my interactions with others. I pray these things in your Son Jesus’ name, amen.