I Can’t Talk People Out of Their Pain

In Job 2:13 I read, “Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.” (NLT)

Often the best response to another person's suffering is silence. Job's friends realized that his pain was too deep to be healed with mere words, so they said nothing. Often, I feel I must say something spiritual or insightful to someone who is hurting. What they need most is my presence, showing that I care. Pat answers and trite quotations say much less than empathetic silence and loving companionship. 

However, If I'm always in a hurry, then I’ll never be a great listener.

To have great conversations, I start by looking with love at the other person, but then I must invest as much time as needed. I can’t listen well in a hurry. Great listening takes time.

Job was a wealthy man who lost virtually everything, including his money, health, and even his children. “When three of Job’s friends heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him . . . Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words” (Job 2:11, 13 NLT).

This is called the ministry of presence. When I’m ministering to someone in pain, I must remember this: The deeper the pain, the fewer words I should use. If somebody’s having a bad hair day, then you can talk about it for 30 minutes. But if that person has a major crisis, talking about it for a long time is probably not going to help.

A lot of people don’t know how to help someone who is in crisis. They don’t know what to say. Those same people will often stay away from a friend because they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing.

The truth is that I don’t need to say anything. Just show up and shut up. I can’t talk people out of their pain. Some pain is beyond words. When it’s the right time, the hurting friend will say something. When it’s the right time, then I’ll be able to say something too.

This kind of investment takes time. Notice how many days Job’s friends sat on the ground with him: seven. Do I have anybody in my life who’d sit on the ground with me for seven days without saying anything? That takes a very mature person and a true friend.

If I want to be that kind of friend, then I have to be willing to sacrifice so that I can give people my love, attention, and presence. As much as they need.

In summary, the best response to another person's suffering is silence. Often, I feel I must say something spiritual or insightful. What they need most is my presence, showing that I care. If I'm always in a hurry, then I’ll never be a great listener. To have great conversations, I start by looking with love at the other person, but then I must invest as much time as needed. I can’t listen well in a hurry. The deeper the pain, the fewer words I should use. Just show up and shut up. I can’t talk people out of their pain. This kind of investment takes time. If I want to be that kind of friend, then I have to be willing to sacrifice so that I can give people my love, attention, and presence. As much as they need.

Father, this is a great reminder for me that reminds me that giving attention and time is really important in relationships. Also when someone is in pain or suffering the best thing I can do is to be silent but present. Father, I pray that with the help of the Holy Spirit that I am reminded of these things. I also pray for wisdom and guidance for my day, my work, my leadership and my interactions. I also pray for a good interview this afternoon where I can clearly show my skills, talents and helpfulness to this organization. These things I pray through your Son Jesus’ name, amen.