The Three “C”’s to Creating Conflict

In review of Proverbs 20:3 it says, “Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them”

Bottom Line:

Only a fool will insist on quarreling, however it is more honorable to stay out a fight.

What this means to me:

It is easy (and probably foolish) for me to start an argument. It is more honorable for me to avoid a fight at all costs.

Scripture tells me that a wise person will be more of a peacemaker and not a troublemaker. A wise person learns to not carry a chip on their shoulders, look for a fight or intentionally antagonize others.

However, I find that if I’m around someone long enough, I can usually figure out out what that person does that irritates me, and file it in the back of my mind as a tool to use when an argument comes up. It ultimately becomes a personal “weapon of mass destruction”! When in an argument, and that person says something that hurts, offends, or slights me in any way, I end up pulling out the big gun. I push their hot button.

This verse today reminds me this is foolishness! It doesn’t help me get any closer to a resolution or help the relationship, In fact, it hurts it further. It is not wise. Proverbs 20:3 says, “Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them” (TEV).

I can use all kinds of tools, tricks, and skills in relationships that are counter productive. They are harmful and do not get me what I want, in fact they get me just the opposite.

Three “C”’s to creating conflict are:

Comparing. Comparing just antagonizes anger. I should not compare anyone with someone else. I need to remember that God created each person to be unique.

Condemning. If I lay on the guilt in a relationship, all I’m going to get is the exact opposite of what I’d expect. It doesn’t work.

Contradicting. There’s some stuff I just need to overlook. It’s not worth mentioning or bringing up. Being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.

Another verse from Proverbs 14:29 reminds me that, “A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes” (TLB). When I get angry, my intelligence will go out the window. When I get angry, I say and do foolish things that are actually become self-defeating.

As Rick Warren pointed out, there is only one letter difference between “anger” and “danger”? When I get angry, I’m in dangerous territory and I’ll end up hurting others and myself.