Take Humility with You Online

“Don't answer fools when they speak foolishly, or you will be just like them.” Proverbs 26:4 (NCV)

There’s a lot of negative stuff online. It’s never been easier to take to heart the negativity I read on social media and get drawn into unproductive arguments. It’s tempting to want to set people straight!      

But the Bible says, “Stay away from those who have foolish arguments and talk about useless family histories and argue and quarrel about the law. Those things are worth nothing and will not help anyone” (Titus 3:9 NCV).         

God doesn’t want me to get involved in useless arguments—that includes those online. There are plenty of people just waiting for someone to challenge them. They even go looking for arguments. But those folks use motivated reasoning, which means no matter what I say, it's not going to change anything. The Bible has something to say about people who live for the fight: “Just as charcoal and wood keep a fire going, a quarrelsome person keeps an argument going” (Proverbs 26:21 NCV).

Don’t add fuel to the fire. “Don't answer fools when they speak foolishly, or you will be just like them” (Proverbs 26:4 NCV). Don’t let them hook you!          

What people think about me should not concern me and does not have any degree of influence on my happiness. Instead, here's what Jesus says I should be worrying about: “And I tell you that on the Judgment Day people will be responsible for every careless thing they have said” (Matthew 12:36 NCV).         

One day, I'm going to give an account of every word I used online or my phone. That ought to give me reason to pause before I post something.

The Bible says that pride always causes conflict (Proverbs 13:10). Anywhere I find conflict, ego is involved. When my pride hits others pride, that causes conflict.

Before I go online, ask God to give me a good dose of humility. I'll need it as I face the fire and make the right choice to speak in love.

In summary:

The verses from Proverbs, Titus, and Matthew converge on a singular wisdom principle: the preservation of one's peace and integrity through strategic silence. In an era of digital volatility, the temptation to engage in "unproductive arguments" or "set people straight" is a trap that leads to character degradation, making the respondent "just like" the fool. Biblical wisdom emphasizes that most online conflicts are fueled by "motivated reasoning" and ego rather than a genuine search for truth. Ultimately, believers are called to prioritize their future accountability before God over their immediate desire for self-justification, recognizing that every digital word carries eternal weight.

Bottom Line:

My digital legacy is built by the arguments I choose to ignore and the humility I choose to maintain under fire.

Next Step:

Practice intentional digital friction: Before responding to any comment or post that triggers an emotional "need" to correct or defend, implement a 10-minute pause to ask myself, "Does this response align with the person I am called to be at the Judgment Seat of Christ?" This disciplined delay shifts me from a reactive ego-state to an identity-rooted state of wisdom, ensuring my energy is spent on growth rather than quenching someone else's fire.

There’s Only One ‘Like’ You Really Need - Unsubscribe from Approval

“Don't pay attention to everything people say.” Ecclesiastes 7:21 (GNT)

I'm not sure that I've posted something online and then just walked away without worrying about what anyone thought or how people reacted? Honestly, that’s not easy to do. Most of us want to check, see the reactions, and know what people think.

Why is social media so addictive? Why do I feel the need to check a post after I share it? Why do I keep checking my phone when I hear a notification?

I know part of it is that I want approval. I want to be liked. When I hear that notification sound, it feels good because it’s like instant feedback that someone noticed me, liked what I said, or agreed with me. It’s easy to start depending on that feeling.

But I remind myself that public opinion shouldn’t influence how I live my faith, as it says in James 2:1. Public opinion doesn’t determine what I believe, how I feel about myself, or what I choose to do. No number of likes or notifications is ever going to lead me in the right direction spiritually.

That’s why I remind myself of Ecclesiastes 7:21 — not to pay attention to everything people say. Even when I say something positive, encouraging, or thoughtful online, there will always be someone who misunderstands, disagrees, or says something negative. If I base my happiness on how people respond, I’m setting myself up for disappointment.

But when I stop living for the approval of others, then one comment, one like, or one opinion doesn’t control my mood or my confidence. When I can share something without worrying about how everyone will react, then my happiness isn’t tied to other people’s responses.

Yes, I naturally want approval from others. But I want my main focus to be the same focus Jesus had — to please God above everyone else. In John 5:30, Jesus said He was focused on pleasing the One who sent Him. That’s the mindset I want to have.

When I live for the approval of One instead of the approval of everyone, social media becomes just a tool I use — not something I depend on to feel valued or accepted.

So inspired by Ecclesiastes 7:21, “I won’t pay attention to everything people say.”

In summary:

Ecclesiastes 7:21 serves as a wisdom-filled guardrail against the trap of people-pleasing and the anxiety of reputation management. In a modern context, this translates to resisting the "dopamine loop" of social media notifications and the weight of public opinion. By aligning with the mindset of Christ—who prioritized the approval of the Father over the acclaim of the crowds—you shift from being a reactive consumer of feedback to an intentional steward of your message. The core message here is emotional and spiritual autonomy: when God’s opinion is the primary metric, the noise of the crowd loses its power to destabilize your peace.

Bottom Line:

When I live for the "Audience of One," I trade the exhaustion of seeking constant approval for the freedom of a stable, God-given identity.

Next Step:

Practice the "Post and Pause" Discipline: To align my identity with God’s approval rather than digital feedback, commit to a 24-hour moratorium on checking notifications or comments after I post something online. This disciplined action forces me to decouple the act of sharing from the need for immediate validation, training my brain to find satisfaction in the integrity of the message itself rather than the volume of the response.

Beyond the Highlight Reel

"Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven." Matthew 6:1 (NLT)

I once saw a photo online of an elderly woman in a group of young people who all had their phones up, trying to record whatever was in front of them. The woman was the only one who wasn’t trying to capture the moment on her phone. In fact, she had the most serene look on her face and was smiling, as if she were truly relishing the moment.                                                                                                   

I can't be in the moment while I'm trying to capture the moment.

Here’s an example: You’ll never see a photo of me during my quiet time. I need to spend time with God every day, but that time should be between he and myself.

Jesus says in the Sermon on the Mount, “Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven” (Matthew 6:1 NLT). In other words, if I take the good I've done and brag about it online just so other people will give me recognition, then that's all the reward I'm going to get.

Social media makes it really tempting to show off. But if I show off, it builds barriers. It doesn't build fellowship. It doesn't draw me closer to anybody. 

If I want to draw closer to people, then I need to do the opposite: Share the problems Jesus is helping me through. Be real! Give people a look at my bloopers and not just my highlight reel. They will be encouraged to ask God to help them with their problems too.

“Humble yourselves, then, under God’s mighty hand, so that he will lift you up in his own good time” (1 Peter 5:6 GNT).

Don’t worry when others use social media to promote themselves. As a child of God, he will promote me at the right time. When I stop pretending to be somebody I'm not, I'll be at peace just being who God made me to be, right where he meant for me to be.

Then I can really enjoy the moment.

In summary:

Matthew 6:1 serves as a foundational warning within the Sermon on the Mount, addressing the "why" behind my "what." Jesus warns that when spiritual disciplines or acts of service are performed for the currency of human validation, they lose their eternal value. The text contrasts the frantic, performative nature of modern social media culture—where the "highlight reel" is king—with the serene, present-focused life of a believer who seeks only the Father’s approval. By trading the public spotlight for private devotion and replacing curated perfection with honest vulnerability, I remove the barriers to genuine fellowship and find peace in our God-given identity.

Bottom Line:

External applause is a temporary substitute for eternal reward; true spiritual peace is found when my private devotion outweighs my public projection.

Next Step:

Practice "Invisible Impact" this week: Identify one significant good deed or spiritual milestone and intentionally keep it a total secret between myself and God. By resisting the urge to "capture" or "post" the moment, I'll reinforce my identity as a child of God whose value is inherent rather than performance-based, shifting my discipline from seeking an audience to seeking the Altar.

Conversational Stewardship, It’s Not about You

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

It’s important to remember in my conversations the same truth that applies to every other area of my life: It’s not about me.

What do I think will happen if I start every conversation with my agenda, hurt, complaint, or problem? I'm not going to get very far!

Most conversations should start by empathizing with the needs of the other person. What are their hurts? What are their interests? What are their fears? What are their problems?  

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29 NIV).

There are four commands in this verse: Speak only what is helpful, build others up, defer to others’ needs, and benefit others. None of those commands are about me.

I’ll get my turn at some point. I’ll have my chance to share my frustration or fear or need or opinion—but don’t start there.        

Here's how to start: When I sit down to a conversation with someone, encourage them to talk first. Then let them speak without any interruption. Don't ask questions. Don't ask for clarification. Don't challenge. Just let them speak. That shows I'm aware. That shows I'm paying attention. That shows I care.          

There’s another way to show I care: Summarize what they’ve said. Try saying, “Let me repeat back to you what I think I heard you say.” I paraphrase what I heard them say so they can affirm or correct me and maintain healthy communication. This shows I cared enough to listen and to also make sure they were understood. It’s a powerful way to show love in any relationship.

It’s human nature to want to focus on myself. But the sign of a master communicator is having enough humility to make the other person the focus of the conversation, helping them feel heard and understood.

In summary:

Ephesians 4:29 serves as a mandate for constructive communication, shifting the focus of speech from self-expression to communal edification. Paul’s instruction challenges the natural human impulse to lead with personal agendas, frustrations, or "unwholesome talk," instead prioritizing the specific needs of the listener. In the broader context of the "New Man" in Christ, this passage suggests that spiritual maturity is evidenced by the discipline of listening and the intentionality of words that offer grace and strength to others. True communication is not merely an exchange of information but an act of stewardship and love.

Bottom line:

Spiritual maturity transforms conversation from a platform for self-promotion into a tool for selfless service.

Next step:

To align my identity as a builder rather than a consumer of conversations, practice the "Echo and Wait" technique in your next difficult or important meeting. Before sharing my own perspective, provide a concise summary of the other person’s points and ask, “Did I get that right?” Only after they confirm they feel understood should I proceed with my input, ensuring my response is tailored to build them up rather than just being heard.

Beyond the Surface: The Power of Inquiry - Why Asking Great Questions Can Make Me a Great Listener

“A person’s thoughts are like water in a deep well, but someone with insight can draw them out.” Proverbs 20:5 (GNT)

One of the clearest signs of a great listener is when someone knows how to ask open-ended questions.

To really engage someone in conversation, I'll need to stop asking questions that only require a “yes” or “no” answer. Those questions won’t get me anywhere! Instead, I have to start asking open-ended questions that allow someone to really share beyond a one-word answer.

For example, instead of asking, “Did you enjoy the concert?” I could say, “What was your favorite part of the concert?” It may seem like a subtle change, but it makes all the difference in how someone opens up to me and continues the conversation.

If I really want to go deeper in my relationships and better understand others, then I need to put some more thought into how I phrase my questions.

Proverbs 20:5 says, “A person’s thoughts are like water in a deep well, but someone with insight can draw them out” (GNT).

There’s one phrase that can make me a master listener: “Tell me more.” I’ll need to use it over and over again as I interact with all kinds of people throughout my life. 

When people open up to me, don’t let them stop after two or three sentences. When they finish, say, “Tell me more.” Then, after they’ve talked a few more minutes: “Tell me more.” Then, just when they think you’re done listening: “Tell me more.”

Every time I ask for more, I'm going deeper and allowing them to express more of themselves.

I may tell people that I really care about what they have to say, but the best way to show them is to ask for more. It tells them I'm interested. It proves I'm paying attention. And attention is love! Asking open-ended questions shows people I'm willing to give them my time, focus, and love so they can be heard and understood.

Draw deep from the well. Doing so doesn’t just improve my listening skills and conversations. It also transforms my relationships.

In summary:

Proverbs 20:5 provides a profound psychological metaphor, likening human thoughts to the deep, still waters of a well that require intentional effort to access. It asserts that true insight is not found in speaking, but in the skillful "drawing out" of another person's inner world through strategic, open-ended questioning. By replacing closed-ended "yes/no" inquiries with expansive prompts and the recurring phrase "tell me more," a listener moves beyond superficial facts to the heart of the matter. This discipline of active listening functions as a tangible expression of love, demonstrating that giving someone one's full attention is one of the highest forms of relational investment.

Bottom Line:

Relational depth is achieved not by the brilliance of your statements, but by the intentionality of my questions.

Next steps:

In my next significant conversation, practice the "Three-Sentence Rule": once the other person finishes a thought, resist the urge to share a similar story about myself and instead use the phrase, "That’s interesting; tell me more about that," to reach a deeper layer of the "well."

Relational Resilience through Humility - Hear the Hurt Behind the Words

"Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude." 1 Peter 3:8 (NLT)

What people say in a conversation is not nearly as important as what they are feeling. Many times, someone is saying one thing and feeling another.

If I'm going to be a great listener, then I need to look past people’s words, even when what they're saying is offensive. Hurt people hurt people, and words are an effective weapon. When people lash out or get defensive, it’s often because they're afraid, insecure, or frustrated.   

Once I recognize that, it becomes much easier to focus on listening to what they’re really trying to say. It’s much harder to be sympathetic when I think they’re being unkind just because they’re spiteful or mean.

Words don’t always give me the whole picture. I need to look for the open nerve. I have to look at what the person has experienced. I have to ask why this issue may be a big deal to them. I listen for the pain, understanding that sometimes the pain doesn't have anything to do with me. Some pain is so deep it clouds every interaction someone has. The words may just be a mask for pain.

Learning to listen with love means looking past the things people are saying to what they might be feeling.

"Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude" (1 Peter 3:8 NLT).

When I'm humble, I'm open to new ideas. When I'm loving and sympathetic, I don't bite back. If people get angry with me, I know to look past their anger and ask, “What are they afraid of? What are they anxious or fearful about? What has hurt them?”

I won’t always know people well enough to understand exactly what’s pressing on their nerves. I may not be able to figure out what’s going on with their emotions. When that happens, I just have to give them the benefit of the doubt. I have to choose humility and kindness over getting the last word. I have to give people grace instead of getting even or making my point.

Even when faced with harsh words, a great listener always chooses love.

In summary:

In 1 Peter 3:8, the Apostle Peter outlines a blueprint for relational harmony rooted in sympathy, brotherly love, and humility. This passage serves as a foundation for "listening with love," a practice that requires looking past the surface level of offensive or defensive language to identify the underlying emotional pain. True biblical listening recognizes that "hurt people hurt people" and shifts the focus from winning an argument to addressing the "open nerve" of fear, insecurity, or frustration in others. By adopting a posture of humility, a believer chooses to offer grace and the benefit of the doubt rather than reacting to harsh words with equal force.

Bottom Line:

Masterful listening requires looking past the mask of words to address the heart of the speaker’s pain with humble grace.

Next Step:

In my next difficult or tense conversation, consciously pause for three seconds before responding to a perceived slight; use that silence to ask myself, "What unstated fear or pain might be driving these words?" and respond to that need rather than the offense.

The Discipline of the Listening Ear, Listen Before You Fix

“The one who gives an answer before he listens—this is foolishness and disgrace for him." Proverbs 18:13 (CSB)

One of the problems with us is that we like to fix things. When we see a problem, we want to quickly jump to how we can solve it so we can move on. But God wants me to be a feeler before a fixer. He wants me to feel someone’s pain before I try to solve the problem.

“The one who gives an answer before he listens—this is foolishness and disgrace for him" (Proverbs 18:13 CSB).         

I may be barely into a conversation before I think, "I know how to fix this." But that's not loving. People don't care what I know until they know that I care. They want to feel heard. They want to feel loved. They want to feel understood.

There is healing in sharing. My ear is a healing tool God can use if I'll learn to listen without trying to fix anything.

In John 11, when Jesus heard that his friend Lazarus was sick, he delayed and took three days to travel what should have taken less than a day. By the time Jesus arrived, Lazarus had died. His sisters were grieving and told Jesus that if he had come sooner, Lazarus would not have died.

Jesus’ delay might seem callous, but he had a plan: He didn’t want to heal Lazarus. He wanted to raise him from the dead to show that he, Jesus, was the Son of God. He already knew the solution before Lazarus even got sick.  

"Jesus saw her weeping, and he saw how the people with her were weeping also; his heart was touched, and he was deeply moved. ‘Where have you buried him?’ he asked them. ‘Come and see, Lord,’ they answered. Jesus wept” (John 11:33-35 GNT).    

Jesus was not unconcerned about their pain. When he saw everybody around him grieving, he mirrored it. He entered into it. Jesus knew the solution, but it didn’t keep him from sharing their grief. He shared their feelings, not his solution.

I may know the solution to someone’s problem, but I need to hold off. If I'm going to be a great listener, I've got to listen to their feelings and enter into their pain.

In summary:

Proverbs 18:13 and the narrative of Jesus at the tomb of Lazarus (John 11) converge to highlight the spiritual necessity of empathetic listening over immediate problem-solving. While human nature often drives us to "fix" situations to alleviate discomfort, true biblical wisdom prioritizes understanding and shared presence. Even Christ, who possessed the ultimate sovereign solution to death, chose to engage in communal grief and emotional resonance before exercising His power. This approach establishes that ministry and personal growth are rooted in the "ministry of presence," where the listener honors the dignity of the sufferer by validating their pain before offering a prescription.

Bottom Line:

Effective ministry requires the discipline to prioritize the heart of the person over the mechanics of the problem.

Next Step:

In your next three significant conversations, consciously implement a "pause-before-prescription" rule: do not offer a solution or a "fix" until you have verbally mirrored the other person's emotion and received confirmation that they feel understood.